


If you ever come back

by ktaesty, prinxceit



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Slow To Update, self-deprecation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24153985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktaesty/pseuds/ktaesty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/prinxceit/pseuds/prinxceit
Summary: Thomas comes across with some issues with his creativity, which mainly seemed to be his passion and the source. He and the sides come to the realisation that Roman has ducked out, however, he has completely disappeared. When a new side appears in Roman's place- and looking like Roman himself, the sides react and onward with the journey of not knowing what was going and why it was. They justed wanted their hero back, but is he willingly going to?
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	1. A disappearing act

**Author's Note:**

> A friend and I (co-creator) had the idea for this and we've been working on it so I hope you like this.
> 
> \---  
> (Base written by ktaesty, re-written and detailed by prinxceit)
> 
> This is part one of two Backstory chapters.

“Oh, Roman, thank god you don’t have a moustache. Otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.” Janus sneered in retaliation to Roman’s jab after putting himself in one of the most vulnerable positions yet. Despite that, the second he noticed a flicker of pain in Roman’s facial expression, guilt and regret hindered him like a plague. 

In desperation, Roman looked at both Thomas and Patton, eyebrows furrowing as they both glanced down or away from himself and Janus. “Are you guys seriously going to take his side?” He asked, a frown etching at his lips as he caught their attention. “Over me?” he added on, trying to get anything from the two, hoping that what he believed wasn’t true. 

Roman’s gaze turned to Thomas, immediately getting a reaction. “No- I-” However, as Thomas started to speak, his words died on the tip of his tongue as he lost the words of what he wished to say. In an exasperating manner, Roman turned his gaze and attention to Patton, hoping that the one side he counted on this entire journey had something to say. Alas, the moral side spoke, but nothing to what Roman found useful to help his situation. “He-”

Not letting Patton finish his sentence, or rather start it properly, the royal-like side spoke instead, “Thomas…” He started, trying to put his racing thoughts into words as he glanced at their- his host, “I thought I was your hero.”

Thomas was quick to reply to Roman, and while he was finding it difficult to say anything on his mind, or what he wanted to say to the creative side, he only managed something small. “You… you are.” Roman paused, glancing over at Janus once Thomas spoke, wanting to know if he was lying to him or not. Of course, he wanted to at least know that wasn’t a lie. The one phrase that kept him going, that kept him fighting for Thomas’ dreams and well-being.

But when Janus nodded, Roman made a choked noise, not understanding that Janus was nodding to agree that Thomas was indeed telling the truth, but took it as he was lying to him. “I- Wow, I can’t believe this-” Roman started, several emotions building up rapidly at once. “Did you guys forget that he’s evil?!” He said, his tone coming off as breathless as he quickly got worked up. “You’re not, or, you’re not supposed to be- You’re supposed to be good- You can’t!-”

“Roman,” said male jumped, his attention being focused onto the moral side beside him. “Everything is going to be okay kiddo. We love you..” Patton spoke, hoping to reassure the distressed side. 

Roman laughed under his breath in disbelief before speaking, “Right…” he muttered, not giving much room for a reaction or any objections as he sunk out. He didn’t know where he was going, where he was directing himself but he knew he didn’t care. 

Everything that he was told, everything he was directed by- the things that were good, wrong- all seemed to be lies. Everything that he was raised with was suddenly incorrect, and that was something that made anything he was clutching onto as a “prince” crumbled away. 

They said they loved him? What a joke. Why the hell would he believe that in the presence of Janus? Or even think to believe it, after all, he had been directed down the wrong path on multiple occasions. He had his doubts, he always had. One of them is if they truly cared for him, but today just came to show how much they didn’t. Or, how much they trusted Janus over him. 

The first time he was told that he was _in the wrong_ was when Virgil showed up and began to be accepted. While he hadn’t liked the emo side at the time, he did his best to try and treat him like he did with the other sides because that is what he wanted. 

So, of course, he decided to treat _all_ dark sides equally to show that he was doing the right thing. And yet, he was called selfish for agreeing with the local snake. To say he was confused when they didn’t back him up after Deceit said his name was an underestimation. He can agree, it was low of him but could they blame him?

He trusted Patton with everything, and it ended up backfiring in his face. He had put every ounce of belief into the moral side, and of course, it just had to be the wrong move. He just wanted what was best for Thomas, so he followed the side who said _he knew the answer_ , but, apparently, he never had done so. 

Wouldn’t it be better off without him around? He didn’t know but it wasn’t like anyone listened to his input, even so, when someone did it was an act of self-gain, so did he matter to anyone and would it matter if he was here? He wasn’t sure but he felt as if it would be better off that way. 

Roman began to think of the possibilities if he were to disappear. While Thomas would lose motivation and passion for a little while, he was sure… Remus would fill in his spot rather easily. As Janus said, Roman was the evil side of the two, so of course, it would make sense for him to leave- let Remus take his spot and finally be heard. The “royal” side didn’t deserve to be treated like he had been this entire time if Remus was around to do a much better job at it than he ever could.

Being lost in thought, Roman blinked quickly a few times, trying to adjust his blurry gaze. He was so stupid, utterly stupid. How could he ever think he was good enough for Thomas? Perhaps it would have been beneficial to “give it up” when Virgil told him to all that time ago. Yes, he had been a dark side at the time but it wasn’t like he was in the wrong.

His room slowly came into focus: finding it to make him feel angry, sick, upset and several other emotions in a matter of seconds as he stood in there. Seeing as their rooms were certain parts of the mindscape, Roman’s half, while it looked like Thomas’ living room, was pretty bold and loud- that being the same for each of the sides’ spots, the sofa, kitchen and more but he didn’t belong in here. 

He wasn’t the hero, he doubted he ever was in the first place, so why stay where someone else could use this place for more use than he ever would.

Roman figured waiting around to do the inevitable was pointless, he didn’t know how he was going to do this but who cared? He looked at the door to his room, each side having their doors out into the main area of the mindscape (which seemed to be like a house, weirdly enough). Would they come back for him? Probably, but he knew Remus would be better, and he knew they would be okay. He believed this was for the best, so he was doing it- and nothing could stop him.

The “princely” male glanced over at the second door of his room that led to the Imagination, trying to piece together what he could do. He supposed just disappearing in there would be a good idea seeing as it legit had no ends to it, and if that didn’t work- then he could always… drop himself into the sub-conscious but that was practically suicide for the sides. So ducking out seemed to be good for now. 

Before deciding to walk towards the door to the imagination, Roman conjured a white sheet, trailing over to where Thomas’ TV would be but has a mirror in the place of said TV instead. He threw the sheet over the mirror, making sure it covered the entirety of it. Hesitantly stepping away, Roman trailed over to the Imagination doorway, before he took a deep breath and slipped inside.

Everything will be okay, in the end- or so he hoped.


	2. A lack of passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan come to the conclusion that their current set-up of helping their host with creative projects was not working, and needed to seek help from Thomas to see why Roman wasn't showing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The base for this chapter was done by ktaesty and once more, the details and re-writing was done by prinxceit!
> 
> \-----
> 
> Apologies for this chapter taking so long!! This one is supposed to be way longer, but I decided to cut it a bit shorter and have a new chapter for when they actually arrive to Roman's room! I hope you enjoy this one laddies 👀 - prnx
> 
> hi! i just wanna say, even though this fanfic is mostly done by prinxceit (if it wasnt for me he'd have nothing-) thank yall so much for the support on this ! its my first time writing an idea based off the sanders sides, but ngl i really enjoy this :D. now ill shoosh and let you carry on reading, enjoy ! 💓 - kt

As an individual, Thomas was usually an upbeat, positive, and creative person that loved working and spending time on projects that allowed him to express multiple topics, emotions, and more to his fans and followers. This was backed up by the fact that his creating processes were messy, but yet full of creative ideas and more. In a normal scenario, Roman and Logan would be with Thomas, helping their host efficiently create ideas and display them to be shown to his team. 

Unfortunately, for a good week or so, Thomas had been having trouble with creating ideas, and while Roman was missing in action, the sides and their host just assumed he was having a break due to the fact the recent recording for Sanders Sides had been overwhelming. This was an easy assumption because Thomas sometimes did get sparks of creativity and some passion when putting things into his projects, even so, they always seemed a bit more on the disturbing side.

So whilst he was sitting there, with a good stack of paper scattered on the desk in front of him, it only made Thomas feel worse and utterly unmotivated, which seemed to be more and more frequent lately. Due to the fact Roman still remained to be missing in action, Virgil had decided to pop in and fill in for him, both Logan and himself making a good team in order to help Thomas with his ideas. But without a proper source of creativity from Roman (that wasn’t Remus’ disturbing ideas), it proved to be more difficult. 

Currently, both Logan and Virgil were around Thomas, attempting once again to get even a little bit of progress done. The space around Thomas himself was an absolute state, papers were scattered all in front of him, along with quite a lot of crumpled balls of paper with the paper on the desk and then the floor. It only made the host feel worse than he already did, he was unable to create any worthwhile ideas. Even with the logical and anxious side’s help, nothing seemed to work at all and it was becoming hopeless. 

Both sides glanced at each other in a concerted manner, which only added onto Virgil’s over anxiety because he felt as if there was something really wrong and that Roman HAD to be here for this process to work, so the absence of the creative side really bothered him.

“Okay, how about this, Thomas? I can try to input some valuable information here, again? Like, for example, the-'' Logan began to help the host once more before he flinched, being cut off by said person.

“No, Logan.” Thomas snapped, pushing his chair from under him as he stood up and faced away from the sides. In a frustrated manner, the host ran his hand through his hair multiple times before running his hands over his face and groaning.

“C’mon, Thomas- You can’t just.. Give up!” Virgil tried, his voice coming off as more scratchy than before, along with the fact that his tempest tongue came out a little. Thomas suddenly sharpened up, gaze snapping over at Virgil before he sighed and held his face in his hands once more. 

“Don’t you get it?! Without Roman, this whole thing is bloody useless!” The host finally snapped once more, “I can’t- do this without him here, I just-” said male sounded exasperated as his hands traveled to his head before he simply walked off from the two sides before he blew up on them and made this matter worse. It was probably better to cool off, which was what the two present sides decided to let him do.

The two glanced over at each other before Logan moved, shaking his head while he straightened up and adjusted his tie. “This just seems to gradually get worse, I believed he was doing just fine without Roman present, but it’s been proved otherwise,” he spoke, earning a nod from the anxious side. “So did I, but I assumed this was going to happen sooner or later, though,” he grumbled, beginning to bite down on his nails anxiously, to which Logan squatted at his hand to stop him from doing it more.

It came to the point where the two sides discussed on ideas on how to fix this or make it actually work, and while Logan tried to be as logical and rational as he could, Virgil ended up rejecting everything that was mention, which only caused him to bite down on his nails once more due to the fact he was in a state of panic and worry, even more so than usual.

To be completely honest, something Janus would turn away from if he were present, he usually wasn’t exactly keen on Roman since he was rather loud, and the playful insults became too much at times. Nevertheless, he appreciated Roman sticking around anyway due to the fact it was easy for the princely side to cheer Virgil up even if his princely act got on his nerves at times. 

Around an hour later, they both came to a conclusion that satisfied them both since they hadn't disagreed in any way. The idea that had come into the discussion was to visit Roman’s room and try to summon him that way. It was rather an optimistic choice, which neither of the sides present was really optimistic themselves, but they could only hope it worked. Having said that, Logan already felt uneasy about doing said idea as he felt it just wasn’t going to work, and for once, he didn’t want to be proved right, something rather rare on his part. 

However, they did need Thomas to get into the princely’s room, so Logan concluded that was a small issue due to the fact their host wasn’t doing so great in the mental health department. Usually, the logical side would allow his host to cool off and clear his thoughts before appearing and helping sort through them, but in order to try and retrieve Roman back, they had to be quick and not wait around like they were doing momentarily.

“I can hear you thinking from here, Specs,” Virgil grumbled, looking at the said side through his bangs as he tried hiding in his jacket. Of course, the anxious man was rather nervous, but Logan hadn’t seen him so distressed since the aftermath of when he told Thomas he used to be a dark side. 

“You could say so, I’m just thinking over how we need Thomas to get to Creativity’s room, is all,” Logan responded after pondering, offering the other a small smile in an attempt of comfort. The slight release of tension in Virgil’s shoulders after smiling made him rather happy but he set that aside for now, it wasn’t time to get giddy over silly, complicated emotions. “Well, yeah, but isn’t he like- y’know? Cooling off??” Virgil asked, eyebrows furrowing as he shifted uncomfortably in his space.

“That was what I was contemplating, but I suppose we have to request his help anyway,” Logan folded his arms, his lips pressing in a thin line, to which Virgil recognised his frustration. In what? He had no idea currently but he wouldn’t press on it. “Well, that’s not great then,” Virgil murmured softly, frowning when Logan’s attention didn’t seem to be entirely focused on the matter at hand, especially due to the fact he seemed lost in thought and rather spaced out. 

After a few moments, Logan heaved a sigh but apologetically smiling, “Yeah, no, not... The most ideal,” he managed to reply, worrying Virgil further with his lack of “smart” words as he would put it but he could assume he was feeling a bit defeated for the same reason nervousness was eating at his insides.

“In your words, it would be illogical to bother Thomas so soon,” he earned a small genuine smile from Logan, “but, it’s probably better to tell him because maybe he wants Roman back as much as we do, which would be good and then we can get the idiot prince back and everything will be sunshine and rainbows again!” He breathed out, smiling a bit in pain as he tried his best, which Logan did in fact appreciate. 

“I believe that is a good option considering our predicament,” Logan responded, “I suppose we shouldn’t waste time on it either, let’s go find Thomas.” Virgil nodded almost immediately, not voicing his agreement. 

The pair of sides sunk out of the room, Virgil suddenly appearing beside Thomas as Logan sunk up beside him. Virgil still found it rather nauseating to sink up as the others did, he supposed it was due to the fact he was a former dark side but he decided to never dwell on it. Of course, despite the difference in entrances, Thomas managed to get startled at the appearance of his sides, but the present sides assume he must have been lost in his thoughts.

“I know you are currently troubled, Thomas, but Virgil and I came up with the idea that we visit Roman’s room and potentially summon him that way in order to get help from him for your work,” Logan didn’t bother waiting to explain, having to batt at Virgil’s hand a few times during his small explanation to prevent him ruining his fingernails further. 

“Yeah, we thought it might be helpful like you did with me when I duck--”  
  
“Uh, yeah, whatever.” Thomas cut the anxious side off rather quickly with his lazy agreement. Virgil flinched the slightest bit at being cut off, but he chose to say nothing and curtly nod in agreement as he attempted to hide in his hoodie once more. Logan frowned at this, giving Thomas a pointed look, who seemed to merely shrug and look down. 

“Well, we need you to get into Creativity’s room, so do us the honour?” Logan asked, deciding to ignore that small incident and perhaps talk over it after they retrieve Roman. 

“Ah, yeah, okay, let’s go, I guess,” Thomas responded, coming off as highly demotivated which came to no surprise from the present sides. Their host began to sink out, taking both Logan and Virgil with him by force (basically getting them to sink out as well, it wasn’t as bad as it sounded). 

“Here goes nothing.”

**Author's Note:**

> If there are any mistakes, then make sure to bonk me and tell me so!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!


End file.
